


Part of the Package

by StarsInTheRiver



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, But also emotional maturity, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, M/M, Post-Institute, Really there's some pretty questionable consent issues, SO, dubcon, hancock isn't a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarsInTheRiver/pseuds/StarsInTheRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sole survivor Nate is and always has been asexual, but he worries his partners wouldn't be stay with him if they knew. Trigger warning for sex where a character is significantly less thrilled than the other to be participating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part of the Package

**Author's Note:**

> I'm projecting onto fictional characters to deal with my own issues and I didn't rewrite this even though I should have, so my bad.

Nora had been his first. Not because he was principled or bad with girls- it just never seemed like something he needed to do. Growing up, he'd been surrounded by friends obsessed with sex, but he'd never seen the appeal. He pretended, of course, and when his wedding night came around he smiled and touched Nora in all the ways he knew he was supposed to, because what other option was there? He loved her, and there were certain things you did when you loved a person. Sex was just one of the parts of marriage that he had to deal with, like taking out the trash or taking his turn to cook dinner.

  
After she died, it took him nearly two weeks to cry. Maybe it was the constant stress of the wasteland, or maybe deep down some twisted part of him was relieved that he didn't have to lie to her anymore. He didn't let himself entertain that thought for long, though. He had loved her with all his heart- the constant ache of mourning in his chest proved that well enough- and it wasn't like he had time for that kind of selfish thinking anyways. He had more duties in this new world than he could keep track of, and for the first time in a long while he didn't have time to sit and let his own mind talk him to death.

  
He became a general, a soldier, an agent, and finally, _finally_  he became a father again.

  
Slowly, the pain from her death began to fade, and with it the guilt that he had never been quite enough. For these people here, Shaun and Valentine and Cait and all of the settlers he protected, he was enough. What they needed from him, he could provide. That was what mattered.

  
But of course, it couldn't last. Of course, he had to fall in love again, because of course his heart wouldn't listen to reason. John Hancock was nothing he had been looking for, but by the time Nate realized he was getting too close to the ghoul it was already too late. One too many nights shared by a campfire, one too many instances of one risking his own neck for the other, a hundred too many little touches and reckless smiles. Things had spiraled out of control, and by the time the Institute had been destroyed Hancock was wearing Nate's dog tags around his neck.

  
So here he was, back where he'd started.

  
It was hot as it ever was, despite the fans Nate had rigged up in his sanctuary room. Hancock didn't seem to be slowed down by the heat- in fact, he seemed to be enjoying the damp warmth of his partner's skin. Ghouls didn't tend to overheat, and his fingers were almost cool as he traced them over Nate's chest. It actually felt nice until the hands started to wander a little lower.

  
Three empty syringes on the nightstand were explanation for his sleepy smile and unusually cuddly behavior. Med-X was a terrible drug for sex (Nate had found that out early on when he tried to get off while high and found his skin numbed) but that didn't seem to be stopping the man beside him from peppering kisses on his chest and neck while his hand traced vague shapes over his thigh.

  
Nate couldn't deny that it felt good, despite the knot of discomfort in his gut, and when Hancock moved his hand up to grab his crotch he groaned out loud.

"You like that, sunshine?"

He looked up at Nate with a grin so charming that he couldn't help but smile back. One last kiss to his collarbone, and Hancock pulled himself up just enough to crawl on top of him. "Don't know what did do deserve someone as handsome as you," he mumbled as he resumed running his hands over any part of Nate he could reach. When they found their way back to his belt buckle, they paused. "You ok, love?"  
Nate actually considered saying no. His heart wasn't exactly speeding from lust, and he thought with a pang about the discomfort that had always been tied to the thought of his marriage. He didn't want anything tainting what he had this time, but then again... It wasn't worth it. He knew how before they'd been together, his partner had brought someone new into his bed every other week. He knew he wouldn't stay with him if he couldn't provide that for him, and that wasn't a sacrifice he was willing to make. So he smiled again, and kissed the ghoul.

Hancock was almost lethargic as he relieved both of them of their remaining clothes. He kept pressing kisses to his skin wherever he was close enough, and the pure affection in his actions almost made up for everything else.

"You're gorgeous, darlin'. I tell you that before?" Nate nodded, and Hancock laughed. "Well, don't let it go to your head." He didn't tear his eyes away from Nate's as he leaned down and ran his tongue slowly up his thigh and the length of his half-hard cock. He couldn't help it; his hips twitched up, wanting more, and he had to muffle another groan. His body's request for more was quickly filled, and for the next few minutes the discomfort was almost completely pushed from his head. This man definitely knew what he was doing.

"You got a preference?" Nate opened his eyes to see his partner holding a bottle wrapped in duct tape, popping open the cap. Nora had never exactly tried to top before, so it wasn't like he had experience, but he shrugged anyways. Hancock looked pleased with that answer.

When the first finger went in, all he could really think about was what they were using for lube. The second one, and the pain was a brief distraction. The ghoul was, of course, gentle with him, moving slowly and leaving uncharacteristically delicate kisses around his thighs and stomach. The whole time he kept up a constant commentary; how soft Nate's skin was, how pretty, how good he felt. It wasn't until he was finally ready that he shut up, crawling up to kiss him on the lips instead. He could still see the effects of the drug in his black eyes, and hear it when his words came out slightly slurred. "Love you so fucking much, you know that?"  
Nate pushed down the voice in his head that was still begging him to call it off. "Love you too," he said softly.

It hurt when he pushed in. He swallowed an embarrassingly high pitched whine and grabbed onto Hancock, trying not to tense up too much.  
"Fuck, that's good..." He clearly tried his best to move slow at first, doing his best to be gentle, but after a few minutes he had his face buried in Nate's neck as he fucked him hard. The pain faded the longer it dragged on, but he couldn't move past it entirely. And there was no getting around the fact that Hancock was clearly lost in his own head, and not just because of the drugs. He'd always assumed sex was supposed to bring two people closer, but he'd never felt more detached from his companion. He might have been physically inside of him, but even when he pulled his head up to look him in the eyes it was like they were having two separate experiences. He was acutely aware of

every sensation, but that's all it was. Sensation.  
It took longer than seemed normal for Hancock to finish, mostly likely due to the med-x. Ever the gentleman, he only took a moment or two to breathe before kissing him and reaching down to give Nate his own orgasm. It didn't take long- all emotions aside, that man was good with his hands- and in a minute he was slumped on top of Nate again, worn out and content. He didn't weigh much, but the heat and stickiness trapped between them kept the vault dweller on edge until he finally rolled off.  
Nate waited a minute more before getting up to shower, leaving his partner to sleep off the high.

* * *

  
The experience left a cloud in the back of his mind, but he couldn't deny he liked the way Hancock grinned at him the next morning. So he gave only compliments when asked if he'd enjoyed himself. After all, a little discomfort was more then worth the feeling he got whenever the goodneighbor mayor slipped a pet name or an 'I love you' into their conversations.

And that was that, or so he thought. They had sex twice more, each time a little less painful but no less of an emotional toll, before he slipped up.

"No, not tonight." The words had come automatically, but to his surprise Hancock only shrugged.

"Aright."

It was as easy as that, and next time a hand snuck onto his thigh as they sat on the couch, it was a genuine struggle not to say no. Something must have shown in his expression though, because Hancock immediately stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

The ghoul's face twisted into a frown. "Listen, brother, I don't know why you think you can lie to me, but you can't." There was no response, and he sighed. "If you don't want to have sex, just say so. Going quiet on me ain't helpful."

God, he did _not_ want to have this conversation. "It's fine, I told you. I'm actually just going to take a walk." He forced a smile and headed for the door, leaving a very confused Hancock behind.

He took a lap around sanctuary, trying his best to be friendly to anyone who stopped him and briefly helping to fix a water pump before heading down to the armchair he'd dragged under the bridge. For the most part, nobody but him liked to get close enough to the irradiated water to be a nuisance. Unfortunately, radiation wasn't really an issue for ghouls.

"Mind if I join you?" There was a crunch of gravel as Hancock jumped down without waiting for a response. He leaned up against a bridge support, pulling out his knife to clean his fingernails in an attempt to look casual. "Listen. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me, arright? If you've got a problem, speak up." Still, Nate said nothing. He hadn't really wanted to talk right now. His companion didn't seem to much appreciate that, and straightened his hat with a sigh. "I think I know what's up. You've been great to me, not saying that's not the case, but I get that ghouls ain't everyone's cup of tea. You put up with it for a few days, and that's a few days more than a lotta folks." He shrugged, going back to his nails. "All I'm sayin' is it's fine. You're not gonna break my heart if you want to call it quits."

"What?" Nate looked up at him, eyes slightly narrowed.

"You heard me. I'm not repeating myself." Hancock was still trying to appear relaxed, but there was tension in his shoulders.

"John-" the ghoul immediately looked up at that, and Nate had to pause to regather his thoughts. "It's not that. I don't care that you're a ghoul. I'm..." He took a moment to search for the words. "Not like you."

Hancock responded about like he'd have expected. "Come again?"

He didn't want to tell him, he didn't want the most important person in his life to leave him, but there was no choice. He deserved the truth.

"For me, at least... You know how you like to sleep with men and women?"

"You tryin' to call me out or something?"

"No. I mean, you don't have a preference. Well, my preference is neither." He shrugged, doing his best to act like he wasn't making this confession for the first time in his life.  
Hancock's head tilted to the side. "So why'd you ask me to be with you?"

That hurt. "I still fall in love. Maybe I couldn't help it." There was a note of bitterness he couldn't keep out of his tone. "Sex just isn't my thing."  
"But we-" realization finally spread over what was left of his features, mixed with something like anger. Nate prepared himself for the fall. "Why... Why'd you let me touch you then?" He sheathed his knife and stared at him. "Nate, love, I swear I never would've if I'd known." His eyes moved away again, looking at the ground as his expression shifted closer to fear than anger. "That's why you were so quiet, I thought you were just like that. Some people are." He had crossed the space between them in seconds, and he pulled Nate out of the chair to look him in the eyes. The ghoul could be hard to read, but between the desperate grip of his hands and his wide eyes, there was no problem.

"God, and I wasn't even sober the first time, you probably coulda just laid there and I wouldn't've noticed a fucking thing." His voice, already gravelly, seemed rougher than normal. Alarmed, Nate did his best to comfort.

"It's ok, you didn't know. That's on me."

"No it isn't, moron. I should have made sure you were ok before I stuck my dick in you." He closed his eyes. "I told you I loved you, and I don't say that shit lightly. There's enough out there tryin' to hurt us without you having to worry about me too." He touched Nate's shoulder lightly. "Why'd you feel like you couldn't tell me?"

"You wanted it, so it wasn't a big deal."

His eyes were open again, staring with that mix of shock and anger. "But you _didn't_  want it. Who the hell gave you the talk?" He put his hands gently on Nate's waist.

"Sunshine, you ever want anything from me and you just say the word. Don't gotta worry about if I'll like it." He ran his fingers through his hair, holding on a little tighter.

"Now you and me are heading back to your place to have a nice long talk about boundaries, got it?"

Nate looked down at him with a faint smile. "Alright."

The cloud, although not gone entirely, seem to get a little thinner.


End file.
